Welcome to My Addiction Resources. It’s a mouthful of a title, but it captures the focus. I want to provide you (or someone that you care about) who is struggling with addiction or trying to rebuild their lives with quality resources, advice, stories, and reviews that have been instrumental to me and other addicts in their recovery.

My Story

Man Juggling FireI am a recovering addict, maybe like you.

There were things all through my life that contributed to how I ended up with an addiction, but the first signs showed up when I was very young. It wasn’t until late high school and college, however, that I was really able to pursue my addiction. At first, I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it didn’t quit, it got worse, and nothing seemed to make it go away.

I brought that trash into a marriage, and I was even an elder at a church. I hid it. I lied about it. I tried to keep that darkness away from my public face, but the thing is, the damage addiction does goes a lot farther than just the using. I betrayed trust. I destroyed relationships. I was a whirlwind of self-destruction, even though most people didn’t know why.

Like any addict knows, the chaos and destruction happening in my outer life matched the pain of my inner life. Really, when I think back to those days, that’s what I remember most vividly – the day in, day out internal cocktail of fear, anger, guilt, hypocrisy, shame – all mixed together, all happening all the time. You’re constantly afraid that the wrong person might find something or that you forgot to tie off a loose end to hide your habit. You scan people’s moods to see if maybe they’re a little chilly toward you, wondering if they know something.

I was a Christian, too, so add to the mix the constant knowledge that I was failing my own moral standards. I didn’t want to talk to God because I thought He was surely done with me. When I did talk to God, I prayed desperately for Him to take these behaviors away, but they didn’t go away at all. I knew my Bible and I believed it and I wanted so much to live the life I saw in Jesus, but I seemed completely powerless to do anything about it.

Living that way is hellish, and it takes a toll on mind, spirit, and body. There was no area of life that was untouched by this. Relationships, job, finances, church, family, my personal relationship with God – you name it, and I was ruining it. I was on the fast track to living alone on a cot in some utility closet of an apartment, or maybe just plain dead.

During all this, I went to counselors and therapists and pastors. All of them wanted to help and were great people, but it took a long time before a therapist finally confronted me with the fact that I was an addict – something I denied right then and there – but he gave me a book to read, and this book helped me see that, not only was I an addict, I wasn’t alone, and there was a way out.

Why Am I Telling You All This?

A few years later, and my life is better than it has maybe ever been.

My marriage, which was saved, is healthier than ever and still growing, as is my relationship with my boys. I have true, honest friendships with friends who know the worst of me and still have my back. Spiritually, I’m growing in ways I never thought possible. My character has changed in ways that are obvious to everyone. My relationship with God and my understanding of my faith is deeper than it has ever been. Emotionally, I am shame-free and enjoying all the things the present has to offer me. The next five years will be even better. Even financially, I’m doing better than I ever have in my entire life.

I’d be lying if I said that everything in my life was totally repaired and amazing and it’s like nothing ever happened. That’s not true. I did a lot of damage to myself and others, and it will take time to continue to heal damage, make amends, and improve relationships, especially with those I hurt the most.

But the one thing I know for a fact is that if you are an addict just beginning recovery, thinking about recovery, or a ways down your recovery journey – you can not only achieve sobriety, you can build a better life for yourself that you do not currently know is possible. I do, though, because it happened for me and many others.

If you had told me five years ago that my life could look the way it does, today, I would have thought you were crazy. But it happened and continues to happen. For me, that journey started with a book – the right resource.

Why “My Addiction Resources?”

The reason this site exists is to allow me to share with you resources that have been powerful, vital, and instrumental to me and other successful recovering addicts both in achieving sobriety and building a new life after sobriety. The fact is, there’s a lot of books and websites and tools out there. I want you to know about them, and I want to help you separate the truly useful stuff from things that might not be as helpful to you.  They are my resources, and I hope they become yours, too.

This is not a replacement for therapy or a recovery program like the 12 Steps or having a sponsor. You cannot recover your life with just you and a website or you and a reading list. I am not a therapist or a counselor and I do not carry any professional credentials related to this stuff at all.  This is advice and personal recommendations.

What I do have is experience, sobriety, a successful post-sobriety life, and I have sponsored guys who are doing great. I am still on this journey with you – I might just be further ahead. Think of me as an adviser or an older brother (not too much older, thanks) who can be part of your success story.

All the best,

Phil L.